The worst form of betrayal is of yourself

We live in a world dominated by logic and reason. I have nothing against this, but it becomes a problem when we are taught to dismiss everything else. Everything you mention in a meeting must be backed up with statistics, never mind the biases and flawed research methods they are often based on! We have been so brainwashed that we barely think about one of the most powerful tools at our disposition – our gut instinct. 

Do you remember that voice that tells you “this person is bad news” or “this job is crushing my soul”? Have you ever noticed that when you are desperate to find the answer to a burning question, you research all day and all night, hoping that Google will give you the answer? Then you move on to your friends and bombard them, hoping they will solve your problem. Then once your friends give you their advice, you either don’t listen or bitch about it, getting upset with them because the advice strangely resembles that inner voice of yours. Yes! That voice.

I get constantly asked by the people I coach “When is a good time to quit my job?” My answer always frustrates them because we are trained to believe in processes, statistics, numbers etc. and that there should be logic or plan to follow to know for sure about when we should quit but I am sorry there is not. The best thing to rely on is your inner voice. 

Another thing you could do is assess your energy levels. Are you feeling drained? I am not talking about the type of exhaustion after a long day at work. I am talking about the feeling that your soul has been drained, the mental drain where you can almost hear your brain frying! This might sound extreme, but I am sure you can look back and relate or might be currently feeling it. This is a huge sign you can’t ignore. Do not betray yourself by pretending that it is “not that bad” or “I am probably overreacting”.

It never gets better so even if you are thinking “well let’s see what happens” or “I will stay until next year and then reassess”, think again. Eventually, the situation will come to a head, and you might not like the result. For instance, your partner may not be showing you much respect. You might not want to confront him but one day he will do something so bad you will have no choice. Don’t wait until that point. It is the same with your career. You might find 100 excuses to not leave your terrible boss but one day it might be your boss kicking you out. Don’t give them this power.

Once you make the decision to take control, this is where you can start: 

1. Contact your GP

You may be suffering mental health issues due to your situation. You could get a sick note to give yourself some time to think about your next steps. There is no cure for anxiety, but it can be managed. Don’t wait until it becomes out of control.

2. Save, save, save

It is almost impossible to quit a bad situation without savings. Now, you can only save if you can afford it. I remember making £5.45 as a waitress so I could only save a tiny amount, but it all counts. If you have any unwanted clothes or items, you may be able to sell them to boost your savings. 

3. Organise your exit plan

Start by writing down what you need to do to leave a job or a relationship. Gather your paperwork, write a weekly plan of how many hours you can spare, and start doing small actions each day. Planning alone will make you feel better. Trust me, I am an anxious person, and action ease anxiety. You will feel much better that you are doing something about it.

I hope this article has helped you see that you should trust your gut and not let worries cloud your judgement.